Wales wails about Whaling at this time of year. We in Canada rue the drop in temperature and contemplate hibernation for the nation. I on the alternate appendage, see this change in temperature practice for the apocalypse.
Position yourself as a teaching nation. Ready to accept all comers to the north with zero cold weather skills. We could preach and teach on, Icy road driving, coping with the cold, the diseases that chills bring, warm indoor eating, cold weather sports, snow carving, ice sculpture, shoveling techniques, snow clearing technologies, footwear for ice and snow, cranial protection for both the cold and slippery. The list would be endless.
And you are mostly glaring at the screen pushing buttons in anger,” Its Global Warming, not Colding!” YUP. But hear this out. The global warming will take place about up to about the 45th, not much past that. Puts us in the desirable position of the holiday spot of the future. You heard that right. Do you not think that after 330 days of 100 plus degree heat all year that your vacation will be in the tropics? That you will be searching for that perfect cool spot to put your feet up in?
Canada and its North coast, (yes we have a north coast), will be the holiday playland for most of north and south America. Europeans too will be tired, as most of us are of the fjords by then too. And no matter what the Russians post out there, the majority of people still won’t think of them as serving up good Mongol hospitality.
Nope, we will be come the Mecca of modernity for the wayward worker looking for a nice relaxing beachside resort for their meager two weeks of holiday cheer. Mushing, and sliding, making steam rings with their breath, snow volleyball will develop as a Olympic sport, Quinzhee construction, ice walks on the tops of pressure ridges. All these and more are awaiting the summer holiday revelers. Even that stressful March break period will see party towns like Alert thrive and grow to hip university holiday destinations.
No way MoBay, yessir Kugluktuk. The holiday wear industry will revive the trapping industry. Northern mining will become a tourist attractions offering deep bore underground tours. People will buy prepackaged bits of muskeg to bring home to show their family and set on the mantle like a giant sea conch. Ice will be sold in small liquid nitrogen containers at the airport for those of you who want to bring one home and show off. Boredom eye covers for the long flights will become feature and benefit points for selling trips by many of the new upstart airlines like, Northern Tern Air, Ice Vacations, Cold Comfort Cruises, or Canadian Freeze Dried.
Can is sign some people up for teaching: warm indoor eating?
Who will be the director of: cold weather sports?
We must have an artist who can polish: snow carving?
Of all the art fest types we could get a department of: ice sculpture?
Definitely the government would have to lead the: shoveling techniques division. Universities could teach and develop: snow clearing technology.
Business leaders could be given grants to invest in: footwear for ice and snow.
Hospitals can work together with Universities to bring up to speed, cranial protection for both the cold and slippery.
Slip the java into the mug snugly sister, it’s cold out there.
Mark Hull Du Calumet, First of the coterie of York, Son of Don, Scion of Karl in the House of Pfunkstadt, Connubial of Suzanne, Yeoman to the Hun of Honda, Prevailing in the Seat of Hespeler, Having been again to Australia, and now Grandad's Land, and for some, from The Dark Side. Not am Main nor ab der Elba, but down the Donau, and with Turkish Chai.
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