What began before it started up the engine of fear, Sandy poked her spurs into the meteorological tube steaks on every possible medium available. Perhaps HAM was free, I am unsure. The prophecies were perjerous and plastered repeatedly with preposterous possibilities. Then the crane fell. Egrets rued the day as their kin was hanging precariously over 9th Ave.
After a summer of love, Sandy was about to return to UK and the duck-tailed one was all a blubbering as they shook through the tunnel of love. In The Big Apple tunnels were filling with brackish water many feet over the adits normally punctured with vehicular traffic. Then the lean into the wind began with every local and national reporter available, togged in gummies and sou’westers.
Do I need a human out there to see the wind? To show me the wind? Should I feel bad for this person? Hmm, let me run the numbers a cuzin’ I know you like when I do dat.
Tonnage of the average personage, let’s use 100 kilos, (It’s a nice “round” number), friction factor of poly-vinyl-chloride when wet, 1.278 Chelvin Units, profile wind resistance of the average body in PWR units, 728 over weight, times acceleration due to gravity, 10 to power of 2, skid resistance of (lets say the oil, acid, alkali, coffee resistant sole of Doc Martins) of 2 Scantling measures.
The quadratic to use Minus CU + The square root of PWR, squared, minus 4 imes Sc, all of this over 2 times Kilos = x , where “x” must be over a value of 0.1 to have the body remain in place. Using our figures. Now let’s resolve this equation further, x= minus 1.278 plus the square root of 13.738 squared minus 8 all over 200. and then finally x = 12.165 over 200 , or 0.06085, or rather the guys blows!
Am I a’ gonna do that? Nopers not without better boots from Cabala’s, or a fair pair of family boots, (read Cement Shoes). Who is up for this duty? Had Rather done it or did he say, “I’d rather not.”? Had Lloyd lived through it or did he languish in the Studio as some lackey swilled in the storm? I definitely couldn’t see Johnny the God Carson out there with his hair all a tither.
Blow’n away the foam on mine Donatello, I like it bare.
Mark Hull Du Calumet, First of the coterie of York, Son of Don, Scion of Karl in the House of Pfunkstadt, Connubial of Suzanne, Yeoman to the Hun of Honda, Prevailing in the Seat of Hespeler, Having been again to Australia, and now Grandad's Land, and for some, from The Dark Side.
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