The Coffee Guy's blog

New Newts Northerly Bound

Shrews made the news today in a rare occasion occasioned them by the goodness of mankind’s search for a cure for some forms of Cancer.  What positive attributes that salivic essence from the gobs of rodents could there possibly be in the whole history of the world?  It stills your movement without fermentation.

Research is that thing which happens when we are looking for something altogether different.  With solid knowledge of the miniscule uses of the lowly shrew, we now embrace its ingenuity as it relates to stilling those larger or smaller on its prey list.  You cannot eat this stuff and not come away without Lock Jaw followed by full rigour.  Give you 50 Pesos if you sip an ounce….  Well ok what would you do with it anyway after the lil nosh?

Locked and unloaded on the edge of time, waiting for the planar nature of the earth to take its trolls.  Your earthliness exuding body fluids as you emulate the droll of the drooler.  The best behest of the headless horseman, not in an Italian bed, drifts your imbuelence to the aether.  Yet here in AB, formerly known as Alta, the fears run to the Rattus Norvegicus, not to be confused with the Rats and Mice of Beach Blanket Bingo, and the Gidget of yore, but that Feared rodent from the Norse.

So the Trashopolis home to the Great Wall of China here in AB disrupts a nest in the dump.  The ink flows on the quasi-national rag The Journal here in Strathcona.  Not only are the exterminators out after these sagacious scurries are of the law enforcement types.   No just the catcher in the rye with a wide net.  We are talking men and women in surge with hand guns drawn with a slight of foot dance attempting to pop a few of them off. 

The Noevegicus eludes and burrows deep in masses of trash so high the buffalo jump is dwarfed.  The local auricomous fems are sporting about in rocked up half-tons, azure eyes still found behind the sun visor.  Can this lucid level steppe be so fracked about rodentia?  Are there greater swine in their duffle?  And now probably with chemical intervention not as palpable to the liberalizing tastes of the masses on the pampas, the physical Rat Patrol with no Willys to wheel around whiling always the hours on, the task begets frustration. 

Mark Hull Du Calumet, First of the coterie of York, Son of Don, Scion of Karl in the House of Pfunkstadt, Connubial of Suzanne, Yeoman to the Hun of Honda, Prevailing in the Seat of Hespeler, Having been again to Australia, and now Grandad's Land, and for some, from The Dark Side.

Mobiia Staticus Abodium

And thoust of yee who have me compared to a curmudgeon again have me mistaken for that body who has less then enthusiasm for others’ hobbies.  You may be a philatelist, ornithologist, or into electronics, antiquing, yard  (read garbage) sales, browsing emporia, sewing, socking, darning, most of the other Ings including podging: I am not.

While I will arrive and entertain and be entertained for periods in random sorts whilst partaking or watching you partake in your hobby, it is not mine.  Come stare and hand me a wrench some time.  Notta happening I can tell.  So while on occasion I get an invitation to partake in your hobby, always remember, it’s not my hobby, and if I had an interest in it being one of the plethora of hobbies I do partake in, I would be into it already and not need the asking.

I ask those who I see interest in my hobbies, to join me in them.  Each to their own.  Nothing against you or me if we limit our meager selves to a few desires in the hobbiest department.  It is rare that a sort need cajoling into a hobby.  Large rectangular carriages on or off caoutchouc tori on rims of steel or other alloyous materials do not crank my contrivance.  They don’t  farm my field, don’t cauterize my campfire, don’t agitate my crucible, don’t, scythe my sward, don’t muscle my machine.  So I don’t embrace that which you partake in as earnestly as you yourselves might. So be it.

Testicular toss or not, unshod equine toss aside, Boules, Bocce, or Washers are not things I profess a prowess in. 

Then there is the ever present campfire. Let me run the numbers as a’cuzin’ youse like when I do that,

Here is what is generally in wood smoke not including any “other” items which might from time to time have been tossed therein.

Toxic gases:  Carbon Monoxide, Ammonia, Nitrogen dioxide, Sulfur dioxide

Volatile Organic Compunds: Irritant, possibly carcinogenic, Methyl chloride, Methylene chloride

Saturated hydrocarbons:  Irritant, neurotoxicity, Hexane

Unsaturated hydrocarbons:   Irritant, carcinogenic, mutagenic 1,3-Butadiene, Acrolein

Mono-aromatics:   Irritant, carcinogenic, mutagenic, Benzene, Styrene

Polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons:   Carcinogenic, mutagenic, Immunotoxic,  Benzopyrene, Dibenz anthracene

Organic alcohols and acids:  Irritant, acute toxicity, Teratogenic, Methanol

Acetic acid Aldehydes:  Irritant, carcinogenic, mutagenic, Formaldehyde, Acetaldehyde

Phenols: Irritant, carcinogenic, mutagenic, teratogenic, Catechol, Cresol 

Quinones:  Irritant, allergenic, Redox active, causes oxidative stress and inflammation response, possibly carcinogenic, Hydroquinone, Fluorenone, Anthraquinone,

Free radicals: Redox active, cause oxidative stress and inflammation response, possibly carcinogenic, Semi-quinone type radicals

Inorganic compounds:  Carcinogenic, acute toxicity. Arsenic, Lead, Chromium

Particulate acidity: Irritant Sulfuric acid

Some compounds are either criteria air pollutants, or are included on the EPA list of hazardous air pollutants. At least 26 hazardous air pollutants are known to be present in wood smoke.

I know what you are thinking!  What is in all that exhaust and solvents and fuels I use in one of my pastimes?   Well I don’t really care.  As you don’t about the wood smoke thingy.

What I want is a quite cuppa Joe in the morning and then that which I do when I do it.

I don’t mind sharing, but it will be a frosty Friday in the everlasting torment before I present myself at the gateway to the garrison with my Mobiia Staticus Abodium strapped to my ass.

Make it steam in the morning sun Adele, I like to see the rays through it.

Mark Hull Du Calumet, First of the coterie of York, Son of Don, Scion of Karl in the House of Pfunkstadt, Connubial of Suzanne, Yeoman to the Hun of Honda, Prevailing in the Seat of Hespeler, Having been again to Australia, and now Grandad's Land, and for some, from The Dark Side.